I only recently learnt of your gloriously whacky family adventures. I follow you with keen interest and admire your sass, your fierce defence of your ‘tribe’ and fierce defence of yourself. I admire your clearly genuine love of your children and parenting style, allowing them to grow into themselves,
Firstly, congratulations on your tribe. You have conjured an army of women who appreciate that someone finally made it ok to not always be ok. To have those days where you just can’t get the house under control, your hair brushed and your kids in publicly acceptable coordinated outfits.
My daughter, not unlike yours, together with hundreds of thousands of others, enjoys a communal trip to the bathroom. Although these days she is restricted to standing outside the bathroom door with only her foot poking through. Patiently waiting for me to once again join her, but with that ever present foot preserving the feeling of ‘togetherness’ until I do.
I don’t know you, but I have watched you almost fall apart on countless occasions as a result of online bullying and trolls. Unlike your hundreds of thousands of followers, my business has attracted a modest social media following of approximately 30 thousand people. But even this means I still get the trolls. People who hate my work, think it’s messy. People who just have nothing better to do.
I applaud you for continuing in the face of idiotic hate groups. Clearly built by unbalanced unoccupied people with nothing better to do than dedicate their time to obsessing over, stalking and tearing down a stranger whom they have never met in person and ‘apparently care nothing about’.
It takes a good woman to cop abuse by the thousands and still continue in an online quest for the betterment of female relationships, family relationships and general acceptance. I applaud you for your response to your husbands recent public attack and for your consistent grace under fire.
CONGRATS on SELF PUBLISHING your fabulous book, on not letting anyone take your distinctive style from you and for managing your career and your kids and remaining unapologetic about the fact that women CAN HAVE BOTH.
Now to Bill.
Bill. Forgive me, but who are you to declare that the woman who birthed your children is not a queen? Who are you to put out into the world, ugly words that your children will one day, if not today, read about their mother. This woman created the four greatest accomplishments that you will ever have the pleasure of knowing. Regardless of her personal conduct as it concerns you, if she is good to them, if she is a loving mother, she is a QUEEN.
You may not be a violent man, in fact I’m sure you’re a perfectly lovely husband and father. However, what you did in publicly attacking your wife in a manner by which you knew would incite hatred, trolling, and online abuse, that you surely knew would result in an insurmountable amount of stress, is a derivative of family violence.
Even if only family violence by proxy, or in this case hundreds of proxies, it is still family violence. It is emotional abuse and it is completely unacceptable. I cannot believe, from what I have seen to date, that not one media outlet has called you to account for it.
I do not pretend to know the inner workings of your relationship, like the many thousands who have keenly followed your hilarious family antics I can only read and assume. I’ve never been a fan of assumptions. I’m sure you were hurt, perhaps even heartbroken at the idea Constance had moved on.
Regardless of the circumstances, the way you dealt with the matter was wrong. The way in which you wrote your statement was indeed clever. It implied that Constance had simply ran off with her new lover with no notice at all, to another country and had taken your kids along for the ride.
Every person who follows Constance knew that her tour of Ireland was scheduled. They knew your children would be attending and if we all knew this, then you must of as well. Therefore your suggestion that she ‘ran off with your four kids’ is unnecessarily suggestive. Where Denim comes into all of this is not the issue, it’s not my business. Your public attack however, is my business. It’s everyone’s business and you made it so.
By subjecting Constance to online abuse, particularly whilst she is in a foreign country with four children to care for, which is surely already a highly stressful environment, you compromised the well being of your children. You did this by compromising their mothers mental well being and therefore her capacity to care for them.
I know this because I have lived it. I live everyday with the repercussions of my abusive ex husbands online tirades, designed to seek pity and garner support. He does this by posting comments and pictures that suggest I have unfairly withheld his child. That he is one of those ‘unfortunate fathers with no access’. When in reality I hold sole custody and sole parental responsibility of my daughter with no awarded contact as a result of proven, documented and convicted domestic violence.
How is your behaviour similar if you are not a violent man? It is similar because not unlike Constance, in the town in which I live as a result of my business and community involvement, mine and my daughters faces are not unfamiliar ones. This means that on a daily basis, often as a direct result of my ex husbands Facebook posts regarding child custody and other posts associating himself with the business that I built alone after we seperated, I am subjected to the same abuse in the street and online that you subjected Constance to.
I have strangers I know to be his friends adding me on Facebook, posting harassing comments on my business pages and posting statuses or comments about my family situation. These strangers include strippers, people associated with drugs and illicit behaviour, even people associated with his time spent in rehab. The type of crowd I have fought to free us from. Yet thanks to his online activity, they follow me everywhere both in reality and online.
I have twice had two seperate men, both strangers to me, make angry comments to the effect of ‘why don’t you just let him see his kid’ on a public street and in a cafe. I’ve had the owners of rival businesses befriend my ex whom they’d never previously met, commenting in support of him on photos of my daughter he had stolen from my pages and reposted. To counter this, I now blog my experiences in an effort to let other victims know that they can push through, and that they are not alone.
This abuse I experience incited online and via gossip by my ex husband is exactly what you did to Constance, except you did it to an audience of hundreds of thousands of people. Hundreds of thousands!! You have seen the abuse Constance has endured. Anyone who follows her story has seen it. Whether you intended harm or not, you must have known exactly what would happen to her as soon as you unleashed your tirade.
Regardless of opinions on how publicly she lives her life, how she conducts herself online or spends her private time, no one deserves that. Especially the mother of your children.
I hope that in time you will apologise for the abuse you incited. I hope that the two of you will once again be the best of friends and that you will grow to appreciate the importance of your wife’s mental well being and its direct correlation to the mental well being of your children.
I don’t know either of you, but I genuinely wish you all the best.