INVINCIBLE ‘sad & lonely single parents’. You ain’t lonely & I’ve got you!
I ran into a lovely lady whilst cake shopping today. She told me that she has been following my story and how happy she is for me. She then went on to say that it must be so nice for E and I now that we are no longer alone, that we must be so much happier.
These comments were lovely and surely well intended but it reminded me of a comment a lady at work made to me a few years ago. This lady I worked with often asked if I had met someone yet and commented on how ‘sad and lonely’ it must be to live alone.
I remember showing her this video and saying ‘this is life in my house, it’s just the two of us, but I can assure you that we are anything but sad and lonely’. That lady never did make those comments again, instead she would ask what E and I had gotten up to on the weekend? What fun we had made for ourselves?
Neither of these ladies meant any harm, they were trying to be kind but at the same time, had unintentionally stigmatised E & I. Don’t get me wrong, E and I have had some hard times. In fact we’ve literally been through a living hell. But that did not take away our ability to be happy.
I remember breaking down over a legal bill at work one day, the colleague (different to mentioned above) will remember this if she reads it, took quite some time to calm my hysterics. This day I was at my wits end. But this was due to the unfairness of the situation, the fact that my daughter and I had been abused and yet I was the bankrupt one fighting like hell to support my daughter.
That day I was exhausted, angry, sad and overwhelmed. But it was because I was still being controlled by the situation I had given up my financial freedom to escape. Not because my daughter and I were alone. We were better off, safer and far happier alone that we ever were during my horrific marriage.
It’s true that Casper has brought a light to our lives that we have never known and our twin girls with bring everything full circle. But these wonderful additions to our family that we have now been blessed with, do not take away from the fact that Eva and I were also very happy and content when it was just the two of us. We had 4 beautiful years alone and we had great fun. Our bond and strength really isn’t like any other in the world.
Single parents don’t need partners to be happy although they would love to have someone to battle the hard days with and children don’t need siblings in order to have a good child hood even if sometimes it means playing alone. Whether it be violence or simply irreconcilable differences, children are happier and far better of with seperate parents than living in a house with those at war with one another.
So the next time you feel the urge to feel sorry for a single parent, perhaps instead commend them. Because they keep the whole world together all on their own. The bills, mortgage, groceries, school fees, child care, play dates, activities and the horrendous sicknesses.
They do it alone and for that they are INVINCIBLE.
I think that warrants congratulations rather than pity.