Dear E, my INVINCIBLE first born. An open letter to my first born daughter ahead of the arrival of my second and third.
For years you have begged me for siblings. For so long I honestly felt that it might just always be the two of us. Our solo coast trips, jelly fish stings, back yard camping trips, water fights and winter morning dessert deliveries.
Feeling these babes wriggle around in the past weeks has really began to dawn on me. Our alone time is about to be done and it’s so exciting, but also kind of sad. No more will it be just us two.
This isn’t something mothers often speak about. I think though, for most there is an intense fear that you won’t feel the same about your new additions as you did for your first.
It’s ridiculous I know. I already love them so much. I am so excited for these little girls. I spend my day annoying them by skulling cold water just to feel them move.
But because I do not have them in my hands yet, it is difficult to be certain of how it’s all going to feel. I knew I was going to love you. But until I picked your tiny body up from that delivery table, I really had no idea how profoundly that you were going to change my life.
In just five years, you and I have lived a lifetime. Learning to share you has been one of my hardest experiences. Letting someone into our little life took more courage than I can say. But the genuine love and comfort I see you draw from Casper each moment of the day, tells me just how right I managed to get it.
It tells me that we finally made it girl. We’re home.
I cannot wait to see you teach these little girls your courage. I know you’ll keep them safe and teach them to follow your gracious but fiercely brave heart. Im so excited!
If I had my time again, if I had to choose whether to take the easy road or to do it all over again just to have you, I’d choose you 1000 times, in 1000 lives. Every single moment, no matter how hard it was for us. My choice will always be you.
I spent so many years feeling as though I was carrying you from war, when the entire time it was you who had been carrying me.
You saved my life and I owe you everything.
Love you lots!