TRIGGER WARING DV – INVINCIBLY OUTSPOKEN.
I was recently asked, what if your ex husband/wife/abuser became reformed? What if theu met someone new and didn’t do to them what they had done to you?
The answer to this question always comes easily and likely much to the dismay of those attempting to rehabilitate domestic violence perpetrators. Give it time. It took three years for my ex husband to assault me for the first time.
My daughter still experiences night terrors almost 6 years on from the commencement of the abuse. Five years on from the last time she even laid eyes on him.
The lasting effects of domestic violence never leave the victims. Even if the abuser is able to move on as though no wrongs were committed.
There is no amount of ‘good behaviour’ or charisma that will ever lessen the damage done.
An abuser may not abuse future children. Some abusers will only ever abuse one of three siblings for example. But the only point that is relevant is the experience of the child that they did abuse.
There are no brownie points for not doing it again. You don’t get a round of applause for abusing one child and not another.
Do not ever allow someone to make you feel as though your experience was any less horrific simply because that abuser now purportedly behaves in a humane fashion.
Do not allow this to convince you that you were somehow instrumental in your own abuse. You weren’t. Cowards are cowards regardless of the status of the timeline. There are no excuses. Simple.
My daughter and I were treated horrifically and without mercy. This was proven with conviction and so aside from the need for this particular blog, we don’t entertain the ideas outlined in questions such as these.
We look only to the future and do our best to leave the monsters in the past where they belong. Only time will tell and whatever happens from here on out with respect to those monsters is absolutely none of our business. They have no business in our future.
There are always two sides to the story. The story; and the unequivocally documented and proven truth.
So don’t stress. You’ve got this girl.